Why I never seem to blog anymore (Posted 2008)

Ok, it has been another month (and a half if you are actually counting) for me to hop back over here and type something...anything. I read a few blogs weekly, but I never really get a chance to collect my own thoughts enough to write...Here are a few examples of why I can't collect my own thoughts...Disclaimer: I love my kids...LOTS. I use humor to get me through my day and so they have a healthy understanding of sarcasm at a very early age...I don't see a problem with that...except when they use it on me.

Example #1: My 2 year old, as many of you have heard, nearly amputated her finger in the treadmill last month while I was running on it. (By the way, the most unbelieveable and scary part of the sentence is clearly the part about me running on the treadmill...but, alas, I have started running). Anyway, looooooonnng story short, we had 3 trips to the ER in 8 days (4 trips in 2 weeks if you count the trip I took the Friday before because my eyes swelled shut at Knoebels for no apparent reason). The finger got infected, as did her blood and other nasty stuff...bad scene which CONSUMED me and the fam for an entire month(causing a seizure at the grocery store...MAJOR DRAMA). We couldn't swim; we couldn't go to the park; our summer came to an ABRUPT HALT. You'd think that I would blog while sitting at home, but I did not...I snuggled, changed bandages endlessly, snuggled some more...and ran - OUTSIDE - when I could get away (No treadmill for me!) Regardless, she is healed and we are living it up during our abbreviated summer vacation. (I would post pictures, but several of my friends claim retaliation if I show them finger photos).

The finger stuff is a big reason why I didn't blog...just too little time, but there are other issues that don't seem to be directly related to time, but these are the ones that affect my mental frame of mind. You know, things like trying to educate your three children by taking them to the public library only to discover that the 2 year old pooped (MY GOD WILL SHE EVER USE THE POTTY?!?) and and has decided to throw herself into a healthy tantrum because I am ill-prepared for this situation (For Pete's sake, she already loaded up the diaper TWICE that morning...a third time, really?) and we have to leave. Well, she proceeds to start SCREAMING...LOUD-LY. Thankfully we are on the children's floor where it is ALMOST acceptable to speak beyond a hushed whisper. I hurry the elder children along and we head for the elevator...where the screaming escalates. We make the ONE FLOOR trip down the elevator and when the doors open, what do I see? Three of the library employees standing there trying to figure out what to do about the stuck elevator...which isn't actually stuck. They heard #3's screams and assumed someone panicked in a stuck elevator. Thankfully #1 is an incredibly responsible 7 year old and grabbed my library card, checked the books out and met me, #2 and the screamer at the car. Even though it was a 9 minute visit to the library I was clearly too drained that day to blog.

Let's see...Oh, then there was the day before yesterday at the grocery store that I nearly forgot...maybe because it wasn't THAT tramatic, but maybe a smidge cute. My 2 year old stands in the back of the cart...Go ahead, lecture me...I have heard it all before. Not only does she STAND in the back of the cart, sometimes she makes herself as stiff as a board and lays ACROSS the cart from the right to the left...Let me tell ya how THIS gets the old folks hackles up. Anyway, cart riding is not this issue in this particular tale. We were in the check-out after what seemed to be a rare almost-pleasant trip to the store. While in the check-out #3 grabbed M&M's while I was loading my items onto the belt (the belt now scares me because it is QUITE similar to the belt on a treadmill...kinda makes my stomach hurt). Anyway, while I was loading the belt, my lovely toddler was inspecting the candy or so I thought. When I got up to the cashier to check-out she handed me 3 bags of M&M's...I looked at her quizzically and she said "Your daughter convinced that man to buy these for her". WHAT!?! My DAUGHTER doesn't speak (well, no longer true..we are up to 32 words, but surely her language skills are not advanced enough to coax a stranger into buying her candy...Now wait...isn't there some no-no about taking candy from strangers?!). So, ANYWAY, HOW could she talk this cute elderly man into buying her M&M's? From what the clerk said she just kept smiling at him as she laid the candy packs one by one onto his other items (knowing full-well that they were being placed on HIS side of the grocery divider bar that I had placed at the end of his order). Apparently she is such a charmer (or he a sucker) that he bought them...As I looked up he waved at me from the door and headed out. All three kids were pretty excited that #3 hooked them up. Gonna have to REALLY keep an eye on that one.

I don't generally feel alone in my crazy-mom life. I have a good friend who is also the mother of 3 small children nearly identical ages to mine. Well, she took her #1 shopping for sneakers at a large sporting goods store with #2 and #3 in tow. While trying on #1's sneakers, #3 took off his own shoes and was clunking around in a pair of cleats...click, click, click (I wasn't there, but she said they went "click, click, click" while relaying the story to me). So, when they were finished #3 began his, what I now like to call, "3rd child expression" when my friend took the cleats off. Upon taking his over-sized cleats off she realized that she couldn't find his shoes. When she asked him where they were all he would do was point to the wall with all the shoe boxes. He'd put his shoes INTO one of the 3000 shoeboxes that lined the wall (3 rows deep!). It took her over 20 minutes to root through boxes (with a screaming toddler and two nagging children) to find his shoes, put them on his feet and head for the door. Poor girl. (However, understand - I AM NOT ALONE!) The sad part is that the next day a father from her children't daycare said to her "I saw you at the sporting goods store last night...You were having quite a time of it"...Gotta love THOSE people...so helpful.

You know who you ALSO have to love? Cocky teenage boy lifeguards. Not really...Just the other day we were enjoying a lovely day at our local pool (that's right...I take THREE children to the pool TOGETHER on a regular basis) when my 5 year old decided to be a funny-man. What possessed him to commit the following act I may never know, but it was one of those actions where you need to be stern with the discipline, but have a hard time hiding your smile...we've all had them. This is what happened: The cocky teenage boy lifeguard who refuses to crack a smile with his whistle-blowing mouth (I believe because he believes he is too cool?) was sitting in his super-cool, he-has-the-power (and the nice shady umbrella) lifeguard chair...you know, it sits about 2 feet higher than the rest of us? Pair that with the whistle and I can almost see how he might feel cool. Regardless, he is in his chair. My children are in the pool near him. I am sitting a few feet away watching my children while simultaneously chatting with a friend (I can multi-task like that). Well, for WHATEVER reason, #2 gets out of the pool with his cute, yellow rubber duck in his hand and does WHAT!?! He walk around the chair and behind the too-cool-to-be-real lifeguard and SQUIRTS WATER DOWN HIS SWIMTRUNKS!!! I kid you not! My son poured water from a DUCK down the pants of the on-duty lifeguard. You are probably wondering what Joe Cool's response was...NOTHING. Not a grimace. Not a smile. Not a whistle-blow. NOTHING. I was so amazed at my son's actions that it took me a minute to realize that it did indeed happen. I, of course, reprimanded my son (through stiff lips) and apologized to the life guard who said NOTHING. I couldn't read his expression through his fashionable sunglasses, but needless-to-say, I need to watch #2 pretty closely at the pool because I am not sure we can count on the lifeguard to save him.

So, now you understand a little bit more about my life and why sometimes I am uninspired...or just too darned tired...to blog. I will continue to make attempts...stopping and starting...until I produce something, but until then I am thankful for your patience.